Today is 3 months from the date we received Alice's notarized adoption papers. I thought the adoption was finalized the day we signed the papers (February 20), but her Hague Adoption Certificate lists February 22 as the official adoption date. Either way, it's hard to believe that it's been 3 months. In many ways it feels like she has been with us much longer, but below the surface the reality lingers.
As I mentioned in the birthday post, Alice is still very connected to China. We have contributed to that lingering connection by allowing her A LOT of phone time - daily during her first month with us, down to just 3 hours every weekend. She spends time everyday reading, writing, watching and/or listening to Chinese language material. Her English is improving, but honestly she still has a very long way to go. She calls us Mom and Dayga (her way of saying Dad - DH has totally embraced his new name!), but her connection to us is not very deep.
Yesterday DH and I had our interview for updating our home study to adopt Lucy. Our social worker (who we both think is terrific) talked with us about Alice's progress. We shared the good and the bad. The bad mostly being my emotional struggles sometimes with her connections to China. DH explained how we feel that the phone calls, etc. are important for her. We have only been part of her life for a few months and can't expect her to forget everything and everyone from the first 12 years of her life. We also would like for Alice to be able to retain her Chinese language skills and to eventually be bilingual. We expect that the ongoing connection to China is and will continue to slow down Alice's language acquisition and her complete bonding to us. Our social worker totally agreed. She said we have chosen the harder path, but in the end we are likely to see a stronger bond from Alice for not demanding that she sacrifice her past to be part of our family.
The harder path. Usually the one we avoid, but when taken by choice or circumstance often leads to greater growth and rewards. There are still more bumps and curves ahead, and bringing Lucy home will not make the path any easier, but we look forward to seeing where this path we are on will lead.
Hi Sandy, just got back from Kiedrich...that's why I didn't comment lately. My Mom had a hip replacement surgery...she is doing ok.
ReplyDeleteI think it will always be blessed later on if we go the harder path, but at the same time lay down our life for somebody else. She WILL know when she is an adult that you did that for her and she will understand later, how hard this all was/is for you. And GOD knows it, too.
:-)
I think you are doing the right thing. She is not a baby anymore and she is Chinese after all. If you would take that connection from her, she would not like you anymore.