Today I attended a workshop for people interested in adoption at our new church. This post is hard for me to write. I feel myself wanting to explain why this is our "new" church. I don't want to go there. At least not now, but I do need to say that attending the workshop today was another step, and I think an important step, in moving along the path of being able to say "our church" rather than "our new church".
I see parallels between our journey as a new adoptive family and as a family finding our place in a new church family. Unlike our daughters who didn't have any choice about which family adopted them, we have too many choices about which church family to join. It is tempting to hold back thinking that maybe there is a "better family", a "better fit" around the corner. But at some point we have to decide that we are willing to risk being hurt or blessed by "attaching" ourselves to a new family. We don't really "know" these people, much like our daughters don't really "know" us. We can choose to keep holding back, waiting for our doubts to be confirmed, or we can decide that this is our family and make the best of it, knowing that there is no perfect family this side of heaven.
God has been using a 2x4 on me the past 3 days. Granted, that 2x4 was well padded with love, but there is no doubt in my mind that I have been avoiding things, people and places God has placed in my path to bless me and He has decided that some strong arm tactics were needed to break through the wall I have been building oh so quietly and carefully. I am not normally prone to tears and yet I have been on the verge of crying several times these past 3 days. I have become isolated, hiding behind my adoption busyness, avoiding people, places, commitments with all kinds of "good" excuses, but excuses nevertheless.
It is time to start "bonding", working on real "attachment" with our new family. No, they're not exactly like the family I left or the ideal family I picture in my mind, but they are a good family who have been gentle, welcoming and loving. I need to give myself permission to let them be my family and it needs to start with me spending more time with my Father. Someone I have been giving too little attention lately, but who waits patiently for me to come home.
As for the adoption workshop itself, it was a blessing. I think it is the start of something important. There were families who have adopted children through private channels, the foster system and adoption agencies; who have adopted domestically and internationally (from at least 3 different continents); who have adopted newborns, teens, singles, sibling groups; who have adopted "healthy" children, "special needs" children; and perhaps most important there were families who are considering adoption. Whether it will make a difference in helping families thinking about adoption, providing support for foster families & adoptive families, or raising awareness about the needs of the many children who need families near and far I really don't know. Just bringing people interested in these children together was enough for me today.
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