(listing everyone in our family she can remember, including herself) Do you love everyone in the family? Do you love other people? What does love feel like? I don't think I love anyone. I don't know how. How do you know (you love someone)?
Lots of thinking going on right now. I'm hoping this means that we are starting to break through the walls that have protected her for so long and she is beginning to feel what it's like to be loved. Only then will she be able to love others.
I rushed to record that conversation and my immediate reaction. These are the comments of a girl who spent half her life in an institutional setting and half with a foster family. We do not know the specifics of either environment. On the one hand she seems to have suffered no ill effects - she has one of if not the most positive attitudes I've encountered. On the other hand, conversations like this indicate that sometimes the negatives can be what was/is lacking. It is encouraging that she may be developing her own realization of that as well.
The few people I've shared this with personally have asked how I responded. The conversation evolved as conversation naturally will and it took several minutes to realize what she was really asking. She seemed a little concerned that she didn't love anyone. I reassured her that was okay and she would love others someday. I also told her she would learn how to love by being loved. I continue to say, "I love you" every night when I kiss her goodnight and each morning as I kiss her on the forehead and send her out the door to school. I expect it will still be a while before I hear an "I love you too" and that's okay.
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